Baby you’ve got the sort of laugh that waters me and makes me
grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me. I find you stunning.
Sitting in my apartment, watching random episodes of shows I don’t follow, and examining my freshly done dark nail polish - a typical Katy night. My right hand is getting better with practice. My left hand looks like a five year old had a go at it, but my bank account does not currently fund manicures so it’ll have to do. I also finally got the hair cut I so desperately needed so I’m up to speed on maintenance. Now I need to make good on getting my ass back into shape and all should be squared away. I’ve never had issues with confidence, but lately I just don’t feel attractive. I think it’s the weight gain. There’s only one way to fix that…. James has been really supportive and has brought up running together many times, but after dating super body conscious men in my past, the idea is less than appealing. (Realization of the week: I have so many things I need to get over.) Anyway, had another talk with dad. At first the content was extremely upsetting and I almost left Richmond, but after a break and my mother’s intervention it turned smooth. My dad can really piss me off, but he loves me more than anything. I have amazing parents who have never once given up on me. I’ve done a shit job of showing it in the last year, but I really want to make them proud. Speaking of family, I can’t go twenty four hours without at least tearing up about Ross leaving. August is coming much too soon. I spent the weekend with James who is honestly the biggest sweetheart I’ve ever dated. I spent two days lounging around in his sweatpants, playing with “Baby Jungle Cat Jimmy!” and “Princess”, helping him with school work (which I strangely enjoyed), and just being with him. Whenever I see James after a week or so I literally just wrap myself around him for twenty minutes. He’s become a source of immense comfort for me. Every single strange quirk I show, he finds endearing. I don’t always, or ever really, take his compliments, but it’s … really nice to be around someone who appreciate who you are, not just your potential to be. He brought up meeting the parents this week. Crazy… I’m still guarded in certain senses. I plan on continuing to be for my own sake, and yet, he’s continuing to wear me down.